¿De Dónde Eres?

I have been here for 4 months now!  The time has really flown by.  I absolutely love it here.  If I could go to school and find my dream job, I could potentially stay here (or in the area) for who knows how long.  I know I wrote a post before about looking like a tourist, which isn’t a big deal.  The other day I was around the Market 28 area(a very tourist area with lots of shops that sell Mexican items) and I didn’t know the fastest way to get to Wal-Mart.  Of course, a guy comes up to me and asked what I was looking for.  I tell him and he points in the direction.  He asks where are you from(¿de dónde eres?)  I told him that I live here, but didn’t know my way.  It was almost like he didn’t believe me and asks “where?”  I tell him the approximate area.  He might’ve been a little baffled.  I thank him and go on my way.  I love surprising people! 🙂

Follow Your heart

 

I feel like I’m getting closer to what I want to do with my life… I recently met a girl named Mayra.  She is a psychologist.  I have always been interested in the mind, how it works, why people get sick, etc.  (Okay, maybe not always, but for a long time.)  She has recently become a part of a program called Core Energetics.  It is a holistic healing modality that bridges body-psychotherapy and spirituality. (The definition is from the website below).

To read more on this, here is the link: http://www.coreenergetics.org/about-core-energetics/what-is-core-energetics/

What really interests me is the energy part of the program.  We are all made of energy.  It is interesting that the way we think can form not only our future, but prevent or cause our bodies to heal or to be harmed.  I am very aware of how our subconscious can alter our future.  If we don’t stay in tune with our subconscious/God/energy then we can lose sight of why we are here and our health can take a turn for the worse.  I want to know all about energy healing, being in tune/communicating with my subconscious/God.  I want to become an expert on this!  Not only do I want to help myself, but I feel like it would be completely gratifying to help others in this way as well.  Sometimes I wondered what I was doing here (Mexico)…but now I know.  I know it wasn’t to teach for a year.  It wasn’t to live on the ocean (ok, this might be a necessity in my life.) 🙂   It was to fully realize what I wanted to do.  I was never meant to be a teacher…I did pretty well, when I put everything into it, but it was never meant to be a lifelong career.  I am fine with that, because everything has led me to where I am right now.  You are probably wondering, well then what are you going to do next?  Very good question!  Ideally I would like to go back to school, but right now it’s looking a little tough for me to go back to school here…(Yes, there is a program here in the Riviera Maya, but not all the classes are in English.)   😦 I need to do some more researching on where and exactly what I would like to do.  I am getting closer and who knows, maybe I will change my mind again!   I might try something and find that it isn’t exactly what I thought and try something else, that is okay.  It is more than okay; it signifies that I am getting closer to what I want to do.  I’m so excited!!

One thing missing…ok maybe two?

I am living in one of the best places!  I have everything I need, perfect weather, a beautiful ocean, lots of friends, awesome food, great place to live, and so much more!  There is something missing…something very important.  I need to find a job!  I have never not had a job.  I feel pretty loca living here and on top of it not having a job before quitting my other job.  I know I did the right thing and I will be fine…I would just feel SO much better if I had a job.  If I was taking a break and had a job lined up in 2 weeks, 3 weeks, or even a month, I would be ok with that as well.  I feel like there is a big stigma even if you are taking a break for a while.  It’s almost like you need to have a job or you are a loser…(unless you are retired, stay at home mom/dad or have a disability,etc).  I obviously don’t fit into of any of these titles.  I know I am not a loser, but it’s weird not having a job.  I am pretty sure that I will be able to find something when I get back from my trip to WI.  I just need to tell myself that it’s ok to take a break and not be freaked out.  I know this break has been very good for me.  I have been able to do many things that I wouldn’t have been able to do if I had a job.  I will post more about that later.  Now that I am doing all these daring things like moving to another country and quitting my job, I’m really excited about the future.   In the past, I did what I thought I “should” do, not what I wanted to do.  It’s so refreshing to live where I want and find a job that I want to do!  How exciting!  I feel like I’m finally living my life!  Everyone should do it! haha  I am open to new ideas for jobs, which is so liberating.  I have worked with kids my whole life, and I can’t wait to do something different!  If anyone has any great ideas on finding a job here, let me know! 😉  I know I posted about this before, but it’s been on my mind a lot lately.  Once I write about it, then I usually feel a bit better.  Thanks for listening/reading.

The other thing/things I’m missing…of course is my family! If they could be here it would be perfect!  Also, another thing I am missing is my dog, Lily.  My parents are her new mom and dad, but I miss her!  I think she would like it here, but not where I’m living(unless she was allowed in the pool). 🙂  No matter what, in life you have to make sacrifices and do what is best for you.  I know that being here is best for me.  I’m willing to skype with my family and friends and see them when I can(for now).

I haven’t fallen in love with anyone, but I am in love with Mexico!

Faith

Recently and even before with all the things I’ve been through, the people who really know me sometimes ask “how are you so happy?” or say “you seem pretty happy even though”…

It’s kind of funny because I sometimes wonder…I have always tried to think of the positive in life and keep going from there.  When I was sick, it was much more difficult, but I tried my best.

Even now, with the teaching thing(I didn’t tell you everything…that could be tons of stories!!)let’s just say it didn’t end well, the furniture thing, and today being scammed.  Tonight, I actually started to laugh because I sometimes feel like I’m being tested.  When I was really sick and going through a lot, a friend of mine asked me if I ever read the book of Job in the bible.  I had to confess that I hadn’t.  He suggested I read it.  It was very inspiring! If you haven’t read it,here’s a summary: (from http://www.gotquestions.org/Book-of-Job.html )

Brief Summary: The book opens with a scene in heaven where Satan comes to accuse Job before God. He insists Job only serves God because God protects him and seeks God’s permission to test Job’s faith and loyalty. God grants His permission, only within certain boundaries. Why do the righteous suffer? This is the question raised after Job loses his family, his wealth, and his health. Job’s three friends Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar, come to “comfort” him and to discuss his crushing series of tragedies. They insist his suffering is punishment for sin in his life. Job, though, remains devoted to God through all of this and contends that his life has not been one of sin. A fourth man, Elihu, tells Job he needs to humble himself and submit to God’s use of trials to purify his life. Finally, Job questions God Himself and learns valuable lessons about the sovereignty of God and his need to totally trust in the Lord. Job is then restored to health, happiness and prosperity beyond his earlier state.

Just think, it’s easy to be happy and praise God when you have it all!  But how strong is your faith, when it is all taken away?  The hard things in my life have made my faith stronger than ever.  I might not go to church all the time, or even read the bible all the time, but I do pray quite often!  The hard things in life remind me to be thankful even more for my safety, my health, my family, my friends, and everything!  I don’t feel bad when I think about all the things that I can be grateful for.  It’s like today (on a Sunday) when I saw the garbage collectors, coming around picking up garbage smiling away!  Who do I know is happy to do that line of work and especially on a Sunday?  I love being here because I’m reminded all the time of how happy people are with being alive, healthy and safe!

I think another hard part for me was that the guy today started talking about God.  Don’t bring God into the story when you are scamming someone!  If karma or whatever you believe in is out there, then this guy has it coming…you just don’t do that.   Isn’t that like right up there with stealing from a church or something?  Ok, maybe not as bad, but still…

Anyway, my whole point of the post is that it’s okay when bad things happen…it just opens up the door for other good things to happen and for you to be more grateful for who you are and what you have!

I don’t have a picture to go along with this post, but this quote is now one of my favorites!

When I Grow Up

So the question of the day/week/month/year for me is…what do I want to do when I grow up?  For some people, this is a relatively simple question.  For others, it just seems to magically fall into place and for many people, things just happen…I think I’ve fit into all the categories somewhere along the line, but now it’s different.  I don’t want to waste time doing something that is so-so or just pays the bills.  I don’t want a job that just seems safe and that is not challenging.  I also want a job that I want to learn more about it everyday, where it doesn’t seem like a “job.”  I’m not obsessed with earning big bucks, although that would be nice!  My main focus is for me to love my job and have a passion for whatever I’m doing.  Sometimes people get so caught up in doing what is easiest, doing something where they don’t have to move, or doing something where they don’t have to go back to school.  I don’t care about any of those things.  In fact, I’m willing to do something a difficult, move, and go back to school if I need to.  After all, the best things in life don’t come easy, right?

I have a few ideas in mind, but I’m not sure.  I feel like I’m getting closer, but it might take some time to figure it out.  I recently had a job interview and was offered a position, but I know that it isn’t what I want to do…I think I need to take the job in the mean time, until I’m sure on my plans.  Although, I feel like I could get really wrapped up in that job and lose focus and that concerns me.  This is a huge pivotal point in my life(as mentioned by a friend).  I feel like when you are taking a leap into the unknown, it might as well be a huge leap!  Yes, I know that people can over analyze things until they are blue in the face.  Yet this is an important thing to analyze!  I am trying really hard to listen to my heart and my gut…not my head.  My head isn’t very smart when it comes to these things!  haha  I feel like the important decisions in your life are best made by your heart and your gut.  It took me awhile to realize this, but I’m starting to understand it now.  This pic sums it up well…

 

 

Courage

On my last post, “What am I going to do now?” I probably should’ve added a few things…

After high school I went into the Army Reserves and was on active duty for 1 1/2 years.  This time in my life was extremely difficult and I fought it the whole time.  What I mean, is that I hated being on active duty(I wasn’t anywhere dangerous).  I hated that I wasn’t in control of what I could and couldn’t do.  I knew that when I signed up there was a “chance” that this could happen, yet after 9-11 then it happened almost right away.  Although there wasn’t anything dangerous about the situation, I happened to have some bosses at the time (who were African-American) and seemed to have a prejudice against white people.  I had a chief warrant officer that would say things to me like…why is an 8 ball, black and a cue ball, white?  Why is a wedding dress white?  Why is a monster black?  He threw down an African-American history book in front of me and suggested I read it(it was not a small book).  Then when it would come time for people to get passes there was discrimination against me and a few others… My point being was that, it was hard and I got through it.  Did I have a choice to quit? No…I’m not a fan of Ft. Leavenworth. haha

Also, I was married.  To make a long story short, it didn’t work out and I went through a divorce.  It was very difficult, but I got through it.  My family and friends were very supportive.

For the last couple years I was extremely sick.  The doctor couldn’t find any medicine that would work for me.  To make a long story short, I was in the hospital and I didn’t know if I would get through it.  I did!  I’m not saying I got through it on my own.  It was by the grace of God that I got through it and I’m so happy for all that misery today.  It helped shape me into the strong person I am today.

For the last 10 years, I have been teaching.  I got into the routine of getting up, going to work, coming home.  I didn’t think about, is this what I want to do?  Do I even like this anymore?  Does this job fulfill me?

So after being sick and realizing I might not live forever(haha).  I decided I need to wake up and figure out something different and challenging.  I knew I didn’t really want to teach anymore, but didn’t have a good idea on what to do…so I thought, “why not go to Cancun and teach until I figure it out?”  Sounds like a brilliant idea to me!  The only problem was/is, is that Cancun was the change I needed, but the job needed to change as well.

I’m not a person that when the going gets tough, I quit.  I could’ve quit basic training…and yes people did!  I could’ve given up when I was sick(that was the hardest thing in my life I’ve ever been through)!

My job here wasn’t tough(per se)…it was almost trying to make it snow in Cancun!  It was so against my nature that it felt wrong and I was doing a disservice to me and the students.  I hated every minute of it.  Along with the fact of some other things that I won’t mention because I will remain professional.

My point is that the last post wasn’t to say that I just try things and leave.  In fact, my intentions are to stay here.  Although, if I need to go back to school for a career that I want(which will most likely be the case) then I will do that.

This trip isn’t just about the challenge of living in another country, it is helping me discover who I am and what is important to me.

This quote fits this post perfectly:

What am I going to do now?

I don’t want to get into the nitty-gritty details, but I’m done with my job and I need to move out of my place…This is kind of a major stress/stresses in anyone’s life.  The job had to go, but the house is a long story.  After all is said and done, there will be no tears over either thing(job or house).  In fact, being here, I’ve made a major discovery!  I don’t want to teach anymore!  I know I kind of mentioned this in another post, but I feel so free!  I actually had dreams before (for at least 2 nights) that I didn’t want to teach anymore.  When I woke up in the morning, I felt revived and relieved!  Now that I’m actually done, I am grateful, yet a bit scared.  It is such a weird feeling, not knowing what I’m going to do next.  I have this strange feeling that’s come over me recently…it’s a feeling of immense faith, that everything will be okay and I will find my way(whatever that may be).

It’s weird, but shouldn’t I be more worried?  Should I stay in Cancun?  Should I go back to school?  If so, for what?  Where will I live?  I can’t go back to WI.  Yes, I can, no I can’t.  Where will I get a job?  What will I do?  Some of these things race through my mind, but then I remind myself that I might change my mind in another 10 years and that’s okay.

I am actually giving myself permission to take some time to figure things out before I jump to any major decisions.  Life has been a roller coaster, but I am definitely enjoying the ride!  I am constantly learning new things about others and myself…and it is the best is yet to be.  I know that taking risks is scary, but it’s necessary!  The following quote definitely sums it up:

 

 

Una chica loca!

So today…to put it nicely was the worst day that I’ve had in a long time(US or Mexico).  It has to do with work and thank God I’m done with it!  Anyway, I’m a pretty laid back person for the most part, and today I was beyond furious.  I had so much energy and what a better way to get rid of pissed off, pent-up energy is to run!  I ran all over Cancun probably looking like a crazy girl.  There was a little stretch of my run(where I was really mad, had tons of energy, and no one was around) that I pretended like I was punching someone or doing a kickboxing class minus the kicking!  It really felt good, and it made me laugh because I probably looked like a loca chica! haha  I was so mad that I was gone for 2 1/2 hours!! Can you believe that??!!

It rained a lot today and I even came across a street that was temporarily flooded.  All I could think was that it was going to be a long way back to the next street or I was going to have to take off my shoes.  I knew that wasn’t a good option because we know what the streets are like in the US and think about Mexico!!  Thankfully, a nice guy came by and picked me up and brought me a block away from the flood!

I am feeling much better now thanks to my run and some cervezas and margaritas…. I might just be able to get around this place after a few runs like that! 🙂